(Where are my manners?)

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Well, silly me. Starting a blog featuring my emotional (mis)adventures without even introducing myself? This is clearly not how my mother raised me. Accept my most sincere apologies. And chocolate.

So, let’s get to business.

My name is [no-of-course-I’m-not-giving-out-my-actual-name-duh*], I’m [older than I look+] and I live in [pick a city anywhere in North America**], where I [wrestle alligators for a living++]. #truestory  I started this blog because I have nothing better to do/ some people think my stories are amusing/ you could learn a thing or two from me (HA.) I really love writing. And I know for a fact it’s better to write about things you know. What better than to mercilessly poke fun at my emotional ineptitude? It’ll be good practice. [cue #itsoundedlikeagoodidea in a few weeks time.] I’ll follow with a few things I’d like you to know before reading  a mandatory read, y’all.

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*You can call me ShamelessSingleGirl. (Or SSG for short)
+Or so I’ve been told. In my 20s.
**Excluding the states of Arizona, Texas, and Alaska.
++Actually, I just go to school here. I know, the alligator story was more fun.

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Episode One: The Aftermath

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Today’s soundtrack: Strawberry Swing – Coldplay

With the soles of my feet soiled by the dirt of defeat (and more tangibly by actual dirt – yay, hour-long walks in flip-flops) I sighed heavily as I sat on the bus that’d take me back home. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure it’d actually be defeat at that point – but we all know that haunting feeling that comes from an attempt to flirt that goes unanswered, right? [dude did it go over your head or did you duck just in time to dodge it?]

In matters of the heart, there are little things as devastating as uncertainty. And because I’ve always preferred to grab the bull by the horns [because what could possibly go wrong with that approach?]  I decided to get a hold of my phone and text the guy who I’d just parted with at the station, BlueprintBoss. After sending a text and a disclaimer [answer truthfully, I promise not to be awkward #yeahright] I finally was shameless enough to ask verbalized the question that I couldn’t bring myself to ask face to face:

“Would you be interested in reviving our 2010 agreement?”

***

As I awaited his response, I replayed the afternoon we’d just spent in a decent amount of detail. It was a gorgeous day out. We met at a café, chatted for a while, walked around, picked up some stuff he needed for work, and had a nice meal. We had not seen each other in a while, so it was the perfect excuse to hit on him finally catch up. There was little mention of what we’d gone through two years prior though, and considering this was pretty much the bulk of the time we had shared altogether, I could sense something was(n’t) up. Of course we had enough to talk about regardless, but then why di-

BZZZ. BZZZ.

For a split second, something told me I already knew the answer. I ignored that feeling for a second and pressed a button, only to have my suspicions promptly confirmed.

“Unfortunately not. I’m too focused on work now. Sorry.”*

To say that I felt like the biggest idiot in the planet would be a gross understatement. I had taken the trouble to pick an outfit –  and even asked for opinions from my friends, which I never do. I could barely sleep the previous night in anticipation. I [oh god why] had managed to still harbor feelings [ok, sort of #DramaModeON] for this fucking idiot guy for two years (which, of course, I never told him about). What had I done wrong? Or perhaps it was a matter of “what haven’t I done”? Ugh, so many questions. *sigh* I sat still and tried not to think anymore –until I got a follow-up message.

“Take solace in the fact that I’m an idiot.”

“Yes honey,” I thought, “you most certainly are”.

(To be continued.)

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*To be fair, the actual text wasn’t that short. Still, you get the idea.