Rant-tastic: “7 Behaviors That Are Keeping You Single”

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I was planning on following Episode Two with the very first Today’s Topic – until fate intervened.  You know those times where you’re mindlessly happily browsing the web until you stumble upon something that makes you cringe as hard as when you look at Chris Brown’s latest tattoo (which quite possibly deserves a post of its own)?

This time the offender was this article.

“Hmm… maybe because I’m following idiotic Yahoo advice? Nah, that can’t be it.”

I’m not going to cover every single of these “dangerous” behaviors, first because a couple of them are not as ridiculously off-the-mark as the highlighted blunders, and second, because I don’t want this post to be longer than the list of blocked webpages in China. So here we go.

Behavior #1. HAVING SEX TOO SOON. Ok, I get it. It’s the old “why buy the cow if he can get the milk for free” scenario… or so one would think before being hit in the face with the following nugget of wisdom.

“Many women feel pressure to have sex with a man because they feel that this will keep the man’s attention.”

What.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think I’ve ever, ever, slept with a guy just to keep his attention – and I can’t think of anyone I know that would resort to that. Newsflash, people: women have sex because they want to. [Unless they’re 16 and have a pushy boyfriend, but isn’t this targeted to adults?] And even if it was “too soon” (seriously, what does that even mean?), that doesn’t immediately negate the possibility of a relationship taking place because, if the two parties like each other [read: if the sex was good] contact doesn’t need to come to a halt – unless we’re talking about an asshole of Chris-Brown-ish proportions (in which case you’re probably just picking the wrong guys). Anyway, what’s the proposed solution for this? The first one made sense, “do not sleep with a guy if you’re not ready”. But then:

“Also, do not have sex with a man before there is a mutual emotional connection.”

Is it just me or this statement is completely ignoring the possibility that some women are fully capable of having no-strings-attached, entirely meaningless sex with a man just for the fun of it? Ugh. Moving on.

Behavior #2. NEGATIVE ATTITUDE: Just this:

If you have the attitude that all men are dogs, all men cheat, all men are pigs, this attitude will definitely repel men.”

Is it true that not all men fit the above description? Yes. Does that mean that we should ignore the fact that at least one of these behaviors will likely be present in any given man you’ll meet? NO. And I think being realistic and aware of this beats acting oblivious and risking becoming a Stepford wife* any day.

Behavior #5. TOO PICKY: You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. If you’re looking for a set of important characteristics in a person which you could, you know, potentially end up living the rest of your life with… I say, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

Behavior #7. BEING OVERLY AGGRESSIVE: Uh, did we time-travel into the 1800s when I wasn’t looking?

“If you try to push for a relationship or marriage with a man before he is ready, it will only push him away. […] Allow the man to court you.”

Ok, it is true that breaking out the M-word before a third date will justifiably cause a guy to run away in the opposite direction at admirable speeds. But I thought we had made some progress when it came to showing some initiative in the dating world – especially considering the fact that some guys actually enjoy this and want their partner to have a voice of her own.

Wow, that was exhausting. I wish could feel better now, but I’m sadly aware of there being an insane amount of articles just like this one going around, both online and on paper. When will advice columnists remember that not all women are created equal? That one-size-fits-all advice works very much like clothing [read: a bad fit for everyone]? And even more important: since when is being single an alternate meaning of “there’s something wrong with you and you need to fix it ASAP”? You know what’s actually keeping me single? I am. And I like it that way.

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*If you don’t know what that means, see this.

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2 thoughts on “Rant-tastic: “7 Behaviors That Are Keeping You Single”

  1. The real stupid thing about the points you made is that they could’ve been completely valid if you look at them in another way that’s not completely demeaning:

    #1 – Instead of “having sex too soon” the advice would probably be, believe in your own self worth and don’t use sex to try and please a man who’s not that into you and therefore not worth your time.

    #2 – A relationship is built on trust. If you can’t trust the guy you’re with, evaluate the relationship – either he is a douche or you might need a little time to sort out your issues before you can commit yourself to a relationship. If he cares enough about you, he’ll wait.

    #5 – Be open minded. There’s nothing wrong with having expectations but someone who could be completely different from your dream guy can come along and be the one.

    #7 – Um… well, don’t expect marriage by the third date but I think that both genders would freak out if they went out with someone who demanded marriage right away.

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